Top ten ways to fail your driving test

Most of us want to pass first time, but not everyone can. The pass rate for the whole of the UK is around 43% - so a lot of us are going to be disappointed.
If you really want to fail, and get into that 57%, try these top ten tips:

• 10 - Be rude to the examiner.
  Examiners do seven tests a day, five days a week, and maybe more on saturdays. They have seen it all before. Red lights ignored, speeding, reversing up kerbs, it won't surprise them. So why not make their job even harder by being rude to them? Let them give the benefit of the doubt to all those candidates who try to be polite and show a little respect.
• 9 - Don't bother looking around when you reverse.
  Sure, you're taking your test, but why bother checking that there are no drivers or pedestrians around? Just keep going backwards regardless. That door mirror on the left is so useful...
• 8 - Approach junctions really fast, then brake at the last moment.
  The examiner knows you are going to stop, right? And that guy behind you shouldn't have been so close, should he?
• 7 - Don't get your eyesight checked.
  Before you get into the car the examiner will check your eyesight. But why bother making sure you can read a number plate at 20.5 metres? If you can't, you've failed before even turning the key in the ignition.
• 6 - Don't get any extra practice in.
  It's a difficult and demanding test. Why make the extra effort to practise all those little weak points of yours? So what if you haven't had a lesson for the last three weeks?
• 5 - Drive really slowly on national speed limit roads.
  Everyone likes to sit behind a learner doing 20 mph when the speed limit is 70 mph, the weather and visibility fine, and the traffic is light - don't they?
• 4 - Forget about checking your car.
  Yes, it's your instructor's responsibility. But it's your test. Any problems with the car - no test. So don't worry that the tax disc is in date, the tyres undamaged, and the car clean and tidy inside and out.
• 3 - Turn up at the test centre at the wrong time, or on the wrong day.
  You got a letter telling you the date, time and place of your test. Why not misplace it immediately, hope you've remembered correctly, and turn up the day after the appointment. Or, better still, go for broke, and go to the wrong test centre. Taking the letter with you on test is for those candidates who want a chance of passing, isn't it?
• 2 - Don't worry about looking ahead.
  There may be traffic lights coming up, or a pedestrian crossing, or parked cars. Who needs to check their mirrors? Or lift off the gas nice and early? Maybe even brake a little? Those other people will get out of your way when they see you coming - won't they?.
• 1 - Why take both parts of your licence?
  This has to be the top way to waste everyone's time, and your money. It says in the appointment letter (see no. 3) to take both parts of your licence to the test. Don't bother checking that you have them safe well before the day, and don't bother on the day. When the examiner asks to see them, you will be able to get home and back again in about three minutes, won't you? Otherwise you only lose your money and have to book another test...

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that this article is a little tongue-in-cheek. But you would be amazed at how many times the things above actually happen. Remember the six Ps - Prior Prepared Planning Prevents Poor Performance. OK, so I left one P out cos this has a family audience...

Just make sure it doesn't happen to you.